Genre: Comedy
Written and Directed by Simon Astor
A terrifying glimpse behind the hex-stained walls of the notorious Camp Cauldron! Can a private eye uncover the dread plans of the Wardlock (half warden, half warlock, all fiend!) before an innocent witch falls prey to the depraved appetites of...Witch Prison? Featuring a performance of the album "Live From Witch Prison" by Johnny Craft and the Craft Brothers.

A mash-up of Women-In-Prison, Satanic Cheerleader and Private Eye films - Live on Stage!

Illegal Spells! Forced Confessions! Menacing Imps! Lurking Familiars! Necromantic Passion!

For tickets and info write us at

Burlesque Dance Kids Musical Reading
Classical Drama Lesbian+Gay Other Solo Performance
Comedy Festival Magic Poetry  

About the Company: The Lion Pinball Players

Bringing forgotten entertainments and stylistic homages to the stage, the Lion Pinball Players exist only to please.  Your laughter is their dinner bell.  They subsist on a diet of your merriment!  Feed them well, and together we'll all grow fat with pleasure!

Schedule: July 2 - 7pm
July 3 - 7pm
July 4 - 4pm (special early pre-fireworks show!)
July 5 - 8pm
July 6 - 2pm
Theater:Producers Club Theatres
Address:358 W 44th Street
New York, NY 10036  Show Map
Phone:(212) 315-4743
Location:Between 8th and 9th Aves
Directions:A Short Walk from Times Square
Cost:$20 (w/reservation)
To buy tickets Call: Lion Pinball at 347-645-7219
Company: The Lion Pinball Players
Mordicai Knode The Wardlock

If Vincent Price & Max Schreck had been mobsters, Mordicai would have been their kingpin! Tommy guns chattering away at Armageddon: rat-at-at-at-tat! Or is that the hideous sound of your teeth terror? In previous Lion Pinball Productions Mordicai has been a time travelling biker, the prince of the cat-people, & half warlock, half warden, all fiend! Rumors he filed down his teeth to points for all previous roles are FALSE. His teeth are naturally that way. Soon he will be tucked away in the honeycombed hull of a hulking starship, & then you'll see, won't you? Then you'll know. Bombs away! Say that you believe in fairies, won't you? Clap if you do! The faeries have difficulty finding your jugular vein in the dim lights of the venue. Please clap so they can find you! All your plans to survive the zombie apocalypse are for naught. He is coming. He is coming. He is here!

Daile Orlock Angela Taylor
Daile has escaped both the tombs of Egypt and the barrens of New Jersey. Her laughter is like a fairy village ringing bells after a military victory.
Dave Orsborn Sam Fleming
Dave is probably best known for his portrayal of "Louisiana Purchase Signatory # 4" in a 2003 commercial for the Louisiana Travel and Tourism Board. He can also be seen in the background of numerous photos taken by tourists in locations as diverse as Times Square in NYC, the French Quarter in New Orleans, the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC, and your uncle's BBQ last Fourth of July.

When he is not entertaining the masses with his fellow Lion Pinball Players, Dave tends to his Zen garden and writes haikus about pornstars. He is also rumored to be running for vice-chancellor of the shadow government and is leading by a 12 percent margin in the shadow polls, but he could not be reached for comment at the time of publication.

Alia Phibes Violet Marrowlick

Alia V. Phibes is a veteran Lion Pinball Player, having appeared in the raucous, knee-slapping masterpieces "Young Romance Play," "Jungle Woman of the Jungle" and "Witch Prison." She hopes that "Cocktails at the Center of the Earth" will represent the pinnacle of her performing achievements! In her civilian life she makes pictures and puns (, has and adorable cat ( and tries to come up with crackpot schemes to get rich so she can continue her life of international travel and leisure.

Maggie Hoffman Babette Kardsharp

There is little time remaining to us, for soon is the time of the machine, the rise of the robots!  So, speaks Maggie prayerfully and sincerely, though with a beaming smile of such brilliance, you must shield your eyes!  The gentle touch of your all-too-mortal hand on your face as you protect yourself from blindness reminds you of her prophecy, "flesh is temporary."  Her striped soul is far from done with this world, however, as her collection of tardigrade water bears is incomplete.  Thirty may seem a great sum of such bears, but it is the metaphorical tip of an all-too-real iceberg.  Soon enough, soon enough, she will have them all.  She also collects coins and is ecstatic to be in another Lion Pinball Production.

Lauren Feinman Ilsa Shewulf
Lauren has the rare and enviable ability to say "bitch" in a way that makes you wish words were tangible. You would scramble with other audience members to snatch it from the air much as fans at a Mets game for a foul ball. You would then place the silvery prize on your mantle with your other glittering, ephemeral trophies.
Caroline Contillo Tabitha Candlewax, the Winking Witch
Caroline Contillo is a writer and artist living in Greenpoint, NY. News of her current and ongoing projects can be found at
Lois F Rexella Infanticide

Lois F. has been in several of Simon Astor's plays: 'The Young Romance Play', 'Junglewoman of the Jungle', 'Witch Prison' and now Cat CotE! She hopes to be in more so please, when you see her in the curtain call, clap loudly to show Simon that you believe in Lois!!! Say quick that you believe! If you believe, clap your hands!!! Email:

Richard Grant Johnny Craft

Are you familiar with those devices purchased by those with Seasonal Affective Disorder?  You know the ones I mean, it's like a box with a timer that slowly glows to life and simulates the very dawn.  What powers such a device, allows it to burn like the very rays of the very sun?  It is Richard's Love.  It is the love Richard Grant brings to the world!

Sara Champagne The Dry-Eyed Widow
In the Hall of Destiny there sits a throne, and in that throne there curls a majestic, sleek creature, vaguely feline, which peers back with bored, amber eyes. Sara Champagne combs it sometimes with an ivory petting-fork. She also sings to it in a language lost to men.
Edward Crosby Fergus Lively
Ed "The Pillar of Hercules" Crosby is pleased and proud to be making his Off-Broadway debut with the Lion Pinball Players. He would like to remind the audience of Worf's quote from Where Silence Has Lease - "A ship has one bridge! One bridge!! One Riker, one bridge!"
Moses T. Krikey Little Jimmy Craft
Color blind prospector Moses T. Krikey blushed redder thin his panty-loons (assumin' they is red of course, did he tell yis he was color blind?) when he was asked to take part in another Lion Pinball Production. He's hoping to find there's gold under the prison, and he don't keer how long it takesum to find it.
Christopher White Cillian Parrotry
Christopher White is a writer, performer, reviewer and adventurer, all for hire. His work has appeared in college zines, modest magazines, and websites such as Pictured is his niece Nyah, holding a plastic daguerreotype.
Simon Astor Vincent Pennygrave

In addition to Cocktails at the Centre of the Earth, Simon is the author of Witch Prison, Jungle Woman of the Jungle and Bawbul and Trink Go a-Viking.  His next project will be Trench!!

He divides his time between Seattle, Washington and Greenpoint, Brooklyn and is making a chess set out of salt and pepper shakers.

Bijoux X

Stage Manager Bijoux has peerless organizational skills which keep the whole operation running as smoothly as a rock polished by two rushing rivers.