Genre: Comedy
Written by Simon Astor, Directed by Greg LoProto

The Lion Pinball Players, freshly escaped from Witch Prison, present a science-fiction drawing room steampunk chamber play with music.

In a world where mummies are torn from their tombs to be used as fuel, thrill to the adventures of the idle rich on the look-out for increasingly dangerous kicks. 

Jetpacks! Talking foxes! Disguises! Perversions! 

Can Lansing and Helena, two street urchins with a dangerous secret, storm the exclusive gates of the Albion Club? Will pneumatic tubes lift them to the soaring heights of the exotic Cygnus Lounge? Will a plastic surgery-addicted fox survive to swim with seahorse servants in a dome beneath the sea?  Will scarab-bearing terrorists sink the Colonel's steam ship?

Gaiety without Vulgarity!  Amusement without Compromise! Constellations brought to life!

Featuring Borts Minorts and the music of Richard Grant.

About the Company: The Lion Pinball Players

Bringing forgotten entertainments and stylistic homages to the stage, the Lion Pinball Players exist only to please.  Your laughter is their dinner bell.  They subsist on a diet of your merriment!  Feed them well, and together we'll all grow fat with pleasure!

Open:   07/08/09
Close:   07/12/09

Wed July 8th - 8pm
Thursday, July 9th - 8pm
Friday, July 10th, 8pm
Saturday, July 11th - 4pm matinee and 8pm
Sunday, July 12th - 2pm
Theater:   Producers Club Theatres
Address:   358 W 44th Street
New York, NY 10036
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A Short Walk from Times Square

Cost:$20 or Call: Lion Pinball Productions at 347-645-7219
Mordicai Knode Daniel Engine

If Vincent Price & Max Schreck had been mobsters, Mordicai would have been their kingpin! Tommy guns chattering away at Armageddon: rat-at-at-at-tat! Or is that the hideous sound of your teeth terror? In previous Lion Pinball Productions Mordicai has been a time travelling biker, the prince of the cat-people, & half warlock, half warden, all fiend! Rumors he filed down his teeth to points for all previous roles are FALSE. His teeth are naturally that way. Soon he will be tucked away in the honeycombed hull of a hulking starship, & then you'll see, won't you? Then you'll know. Bombs away! Say that you believe in fairies, won't you? Clap if you do! The faeries have difficulty finding your jugular vein in the dim lights of the venue. Please clap so they can find you! All your plans to survive the zombie apocalypse are for naught. He is coming. He is coming. He is here!

Dave Orsborn Colonel Gulden Moutarde
Dave is probably best known for his portrayal of "Louisiana Purchase Signatory # 4" in a 2003 commercial for the Louisiana Travel and Tourism Board. He can also be seen in the background of numerous photos taken by tourists in locations as diverse as Times Square in NYC, the French Quarter in New Orleans, the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC, and your uncle's BBQ last Fourth of July.

When he is not entertaining the masses with his fellow Lion Pinball Players, Dave tends to his Zen garden and writes haikus about pornstars. He is also rumored to be running for vice-chancellor of the shadow government and is leading by a 12 percent margin in the shadow polls, but he could not be reached for comment at the time of publication.

Lois F Gepetta Odenkirk

Lois F. has been in several of Simon Astor's plays: 'The Young Romance Play', 'Junglewoman of the Jungle', 'Witch Prison' and now Cat CotE! She hopes to be in more so please, when you see her in the curtain call, clap loudly to show Simon that you believe in Lois!!! Say quick that you believe! If you believe, clap your hands!!! Email:

Daniel (Michael) Rockdale Conrad Swinton

Daniel Rockdale - Daniel needs to clean his room and start living like an adult. When not prowling the stage with cat-like intensity, he spends his time helping the NYPD solve crimes by using his psychic powers. Daniel Rockdale is "The Corpse Whisperer". He also gets on various stages with various microphones and tells jokes.

Lauren Feinman Roulette Moutarde
Lauren has the rare and enviable ability to say "bitch" in a way that makes you wish words were tangible. You would scramble with other audience members to snatch it from the air much as fans at a Mets game for a foul ball. You would then place the silvery prize on your mantle with your other glittering, ephemeral trophies.
Richard Grant Murray Eel

Are you familiar with those devices purchased by those with Seasonal Affective Disorder?  You know the ones I mean, it's like a box with a timer that slowly glows to life and simulates the very dawn.  What powers such a device, allows it to burn like the very rays of the very sun?  It is Richard's Love.  It is the love Richard Grant brings to the world!

Jenny Karlsen Helena Billings

Delivered to Queens, borne floating on purest beam of warmest light, Jenny has lived and acted in the city of her birth.  Fueled by a perfect mixture of tobacco and caffeine, a legal speedball, she charms all who bathe in the corona surrounding her!  Dip in, fools!  Dip in and be forever changed!

Daile Orlock Sir Reynard Digswell
Daile has escaped both the tombs of Egypt and the barrens of New Jersey. Her laughter is like a fairy village ringing bells after a military victory.
Jason Ellis Baxter Warner

Jason Ellis enjoys wearing lounge pants under his regular pants. As a child, he would swing from the mast of a sloop, shipwrecked behind the house. He wakes up sometimes, in the middle of the night, covered in sweat. If he had only moments to escape his building before it was puddled by a satellite-mounted magnesium cannon, he would, assuming the wife and cats had already decamped, save Ambush Bug #4.  Also, he has been in plays.

James Mccaffery Lansing Montpelier

Winner of best-dressed Dungeon Master for three consecutive cycles, James is delighted to be in his first Lion Pinball Production.

Maggie Hoffman Dovecote Clustertoil

There is little time remaining to us, for soon is the time of the machine, the rise of the robots!  So, speaks Maggie prayerfully and sincerely, though with a beaming smile of such brilliance, you must shield your eyes!  The gentle touch of your all-too-mortal hand on your face as you protect yourself from blindness reminds you of her prophecy, "flesh is temporary."  Her striped soul is far from done with this world, however, as her collection of tardigrade water bears is incomplete.  Thirty may seem a great sum of such bears, but it is the metaphorical tip of an all-too-real iceberg.  Soon enough, soon enough, she will have them all.  She also collects coins and is ecstatic to be in another Lion Pinball Production.

Alia Phibes Patricia Luxembourg

Alia V. Phibes is a veteran Lion Pinball Player, having appeared in the raucous, knee-slapping masterpieces "Young Romance Play," "Jungle Woman of the Jungle" and "Witch Prison." She hopes that "Cocktails at the Center of the Earth" will represent the pinnacle of her performing achievements! In her civilian life she makes pictures and puns (, has and adorable cat ( and tries to come up with crackpot schemes to get rich so she can continue her life of international travel and leisure.

Henning Fischer Hasen (Bunny) Pfeiffer

Returning to The Lion Pinball Players after a post-Jungle Woman of the Jungle hiatus and a stint on Fringe, talented photographer and actor Henning Fischer is striving for a world without winter and will travel the world before he's done.

Evelyn Sullivan Gloriana Fogg

Hark ye to the pulsating, percolating sound of the sparrows.  Their tune is light, familiar somehow...wait, recognition!  It is Hungry Like the Wolf!  These tiny birds contain so much power and chirrup out the keys to unlock the doors of nostalgia, the halcyon days of your youth returned!  You thought them lost forever, but on this airy melody you ride, as if on the back of some great single-horned and multi-powered beast, and they are returned to you.  You are new again!  Born anew, bathed in the performance of dearest Ev!  Doff thy tiny hat to her, and perchance she'll toss you a cup-shaped cake!

Simon Astor Sir Reginald Rakehell

In addition to Cocktails at the Centre of the Earth, Simon is the author of Witch Prison, Jungle Woman of the Jungle and Bawbul and Trink Go a-Viking.  His next project will be Trench!!

He divides his time between Seattle, Washington and Greenpoint, Brooklyn and is making a chess set out of salt and pepper shakers.

Stage Manager Bijoux has peerless organizational skills which keep the whole operation running as smoothly as a rock polished by two rushing rivers.