Adam Files

Adam Files was born three years before you were. That’s right. He was here first. And emboldened by that authority he hereby claims all your stuff. So, seriously, he was born and raised in North Dakota... By wolves. Very articulate wolves with people names. His father was a theatre coach. And in so being doomed him to a life of art, culture, and poverty. His mother was very patient. She bought him lunches at least once a week for all 5 years of college. Seriously, how long would you tolerate this? Both parents attended every one of his 7 seasons at the local summer theatre. He battled robots. They routed his final offensive maneuver and he was slain in 2098.